I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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