Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
