She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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