Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
