Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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