So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
