HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think your dad took our porno
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
