New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
