you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
