Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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