I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
