i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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