respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
