i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
