nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
