In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
