bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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