I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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