we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
