Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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