My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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