even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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