I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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