you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
