I'm gonna have a badass scar
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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