I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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