he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
