I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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