so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it glows. i had to have it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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