I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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