It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
