I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
