i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
