PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
