just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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