so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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