Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
