somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Found the puke drawer
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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