I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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