Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
