Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
