11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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