you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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