so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
