Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
