My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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