How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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