it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.