You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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