The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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