I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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