the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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