You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you win again, gameday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
