literally had 100 drinks last night.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
