I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
