I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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