Im at strip club and am horny
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
