everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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