I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
