I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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