did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
