I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
