I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
