I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i already hear my dad disowning me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
