Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
