dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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