he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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