What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need to calm my uterus...
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